you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
