why didn't you poke me back
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
