Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
