We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
