i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
