I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
