I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
