Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
