Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
