that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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