Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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