do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
