def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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