I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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