office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
