I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
