So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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