My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
