I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Found your dick twin last night
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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