So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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