Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
