Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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