I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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