youre lurking in front of me
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
