No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
