I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
