Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
