you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
