I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
