he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
