the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
