dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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