i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
