Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
