And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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