this boner is exhausting
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
