i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
