It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
