so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
