Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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