Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
