Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
