I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
