pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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