I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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