I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
