Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
