it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
