btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
