I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
