happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
