he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
