Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
