UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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