I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
